Taking Care Whilst Trying Hard

The sixteenth of May, mark it in your diaries and say a prayer the night before, as it marks the beginning of the end of my school career: my first A Level exam. Being six weeks away (at the time of writing), you may expect my bedroom walls to be plastered with reasons why Charles I caused the civil war and my days to be constricted to hours of revision and scheduled-in down time. Alas, they are not. For the simple reason that I am happier this way.

I sacrificed happiness two years ago when I took my GCSEs. I began revising in August, having spent the summer crying in fear that I was not talented at Maths, that there was too much history to learn for History and that I could not read my English texts. When my family went away to Amsterdam (in October) I got up at five am to revise, before going out for the day. A day spent not revising was a day I failed. My mission was to get the top grades because I thought that happiness and success were locked in the piece of paper that read only the first letter of the alphabet. Come results day, my mind was weary. I had missed out on a year of worldly pleasures and could not remember a thing that I had copied out of the textbooks ten times and more. Seeing six A*s and five As arise out of the envelope did not have its desired effect on me because by then I was burnt out.

So here I am: disillusioned with the rhetoric that my life is dependent on the forthcoming weeks and awakened by the reality that great grades are not the key to happiness for me. In truth, I am intelligent. Meet me in person and you will get a sense of my thirst for knowledge and willingness to explore world philosophies (and also debate them). However, the results in August are not likely to prove this because I am depressed and battling an eating disorder right now. The pressures of exams, and the stress of forcing my heavy mind to absorb information on mass, will not aid any attempt at recovery, so there’s little point. At this moment in time, I value good health as the greatest success I could wish and work hard for.

Luckily, university is not my next destination and the route to my chosen career is not grade dependent. So I have leeway. Nevertheless, I have friends who see these exams as the be all and end all. I see my friends crying daily, losing weight and feeling sick with the pressures created by schools that brutally push for academic success, and teachers who direct their fear of missing out on a pay rise onto their students.

What we have on our hands is closer to a business strategy, a way of getting the best results for further student recruitment at the cost of specialised care and attention to the lives of individuals. There is not a single person in my friendship group that does not identify with at least one mental health issue. Whether this is a product of academic pressure, or it existed prior, it’s an empirical fact that exams induce mental health issues tenfold. The tougher the education system becomes, the greater the problems we will see. The truth is is that the quality and quantity of mental health support is not rising to meet the stresses placed on young human beings who are struggling, not only with the strain of school, but with continual social and biological changes.  

Grades have importance and education should never been taken for granted or passed up on, but there are many ways to prove the products of your learning. There will be opportunities in life for you if you grab them. For me, I will do whatever I can to preserve my mental health whilst trying the best I can at exams, taking the situation as it is.

We are all much more than what results day tells us, and success is subjective to your want and ambition. What’s important is that you act upon it in the way that only you can do in this moment.

Charlotte Eyres is currently studying History, Ethics and Philosophy and Music at A level. Having kept quiet about her struggle with eating disorders and depression for a long time, she has recently discovered the healing power of writing and sharing her experience to educate others and make some people feel less alone.