By Tara
David Anada, via Unsplash
Content Warning: mentions of abuse
On the surface all looked normal
Except that I was the fallen one
Marked, defective, bottom of the food chain
Nothing could be done
I’d walk over if I cut my knee in the playground
Because that’s what I was expected to do
I knew instinctively to keep the act up
You had something to prove
Sometimes I even bought into it
I so badly wanted things to change
Visiting later, things will be different this time
And then that infamous rage
Anger, not at you, but at myself
For being stupid enough to believe
That miraculously love would engulf me
To see good, to hope, to need
One day you would see my soul
And really care about the essence of me
My heart is filled with all this hope
And I understand family
There is more magic inside me as an adult
Than the feelings you suffocated as a kid
Love is the part you can never take away
No matter what you did
In a way I developed emotional maturity
Whilst I deny, deny, deny
But I care about other people
I’d like to see you try
Tara
Tara is an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse and writes about her dissociative experiences, anxiety and mental health recovery overall. Tara hopes that writing about her experiences of child abuse helps others who relate to feel less alone.
