How Writing Changed My Life

Image credit: Lauren Morsley

I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember. I used to write short stories on long car journeys, create song lyrics whilst lying on my trampoline outdoors and doing daily diary logs before bed. I’ve always been a creative spirit and I found tranquility in imprinting the words into the paper.  

It’s almost metaphoric how something so pure can be damaged and yet hold so much beauty.

Sadly, school put a damper on my dream of being an author. I had really bad anxiety and depression which dramatically affected my ability to learn and contribute to lessons. I was even told by my teachers that I’d never pass my GCSEs. At such a young age, we believe anything a teacher says because they have ‘authority’. Though having authority doesn’t mean you are right.

Luckily I passed all but one of my GCSEs. I flunked physics but that didn’t bother me – I was just happy to be free from the prison I once called school. A lot of my anxiety lifted and I felt a lot more content with my life.

At 18 I lost my dad to suicide, leading me into a dangerous downward spiral. After three years of grieving and struggling to decide what I wanted to do – and many jobs and boyfriends later – I moved out of my mother’s home and met my soon-to-be husband. This gave me the time and courage to move on and make a future for myself. I now had strong foundations to stand on, which was crucial to my recovery.

I left my part-time office job due to a bad relapse and got very bored very quickly. I find it hard to do most things, and yet I can never sit still for long. Depression is complicated. So I started to write again, but I kept putting myself down because my English wasn’t as good as it used to be. My depression had deleted a good part of my academic memory. I was starting a new book every month but never finishing it, feeling a lack of love or interest towards my own words.

However, one night after struggling to fall asleep and being attacked by my own thoughts, it came to me: I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to help people to understand suicide and support those who had lost someone to suicide. So I wrote the story of my dad.

I found a passion, and all my grief and anger were transformed into a fuel to destroy stigma and to try to prevent suicides in the future. I now had a productive way to spend my time and feel like I was not a failure, despite not having a job.

I wrote and published my book. And with that, I let go of a lot of my hidden emotions connected to my father. I felt like a weight had been lifted and I had more room to be myself. I had forgotten how therapeutic writing was, after years of being told I wasn’t good enough.  Each time a word was written, it was taken from my mind and transferred onto paper, like extracting negative emotions from my mind and making them into something physical and real, which is a lot easier to understand.

At 21 I am an Author and every day, from the moment I wake up till the moment I sleep, I am working on raising awareness and fighting stigma. I do charity work, constantly create discussions on mental illness, and support people who come to me in need of a friend.

Who knows what I will achieve in the future, but I hope it will be focused on being an advocate for mental illness.

If I can give you, the reader, a bit of advice, I would say: do what you want, try to ignore the opinions of others, keep following and working towards your personal goals and you will achieve them.

Charlotte is a 21 year old from Norfolk, UK who has learnt to find positives in all the negatives. She has had a far from easy life, which has led her to suffer from mental illness but she is using her life to help and support others.

Lauren Morsley is a multi disciplined Illustrator and printmaker who incorporates textures, patterns, vibrant colours and different materials in her work. Her style focuses on a strong use of character and composition which are inspired by intriguing stories and places.