Words by Mandy Lee Berger | Art by Chris Kent


As soon as I saw the theme for this issue, this poem came straight into my head. I have always struggled with trusting others due to my background. Growing up, I had to take care of myself and rely on myself and could never rely on anyone else. I long to feel part of something but I always feel separated; like I am seeing a circle with all these people holding hands and there is no space for me. It hurts my heart to feel this way. I really hope one day that I heal within me all that keeps me from being part of something. I have this image of being in this room and there are a lot of people there and they are all looking at me and smiling and welcoming me and I just walk up to them, like I belong there and it feels easy for me.

Community poem | By Chris Kent
By Chris Kent

I only know I and ME

I have never known what is US and WE

I only know how to go it ALONE

I have never had a place that felt like HOME.

I only think in BLACK and WHITE

I have never known the COLOURS that exist inside

Because as a child I was starved of LIGHT

Now all I do is HIDE

 

I only know I and ME

I have never known what is US and WE

I only know how to rely on MYSELF

When NOBODY ANSWERED my calls for HELP.

I AM THE ONE who had to get me THROUGH

Even when I DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO

And IT’S TRUE

that I DON’T KNOW HOW to let anyone INSIDE

I have NEVER KNOWN any STABILITY in my life.

 

I only know I and ME

I have never known what is US and WE

I have no conception of COMMUNITY

It honestly MYSTIFIES me.

 

I only know I and ME

I have never known what is US and WE

When I see people in COMMUNITIES

I DON’T KNOW HOW to be part of THAT

I feel on the OUTSIDE

I feel I don’t know where I fit

I have never felt there was any ROOM FOR ME

NO ROOM IN COMMUNITY.

It honestly TERRIFIES me.

 

I only know I and ME

I have never known what is US and WE

But I dream of being held within a

COMMUNITY

Where I am WELCOMED

and FREE

and I know the meaning of US and WE


Mandy Lee Berger

Mandy Lee Berger is an actress, writer, spoken word poet and artist.  She has done many paintings , as well as written many spoken word poems about her battle with depression, anxiety and CPTSD.  She uses her art to help communicate her experiences with the illness.  She is very excited to be part of Fearless Femme and share her art with you all.


Chris Kent

Chris Kent is an artist, illustrator and woodworker who identities as non-binary. Chris lives in the Scottish Borders and sometimes works in Edinburgh for Edinburgh Museums and running workshops. Chris explores ideas of identity/uncertainty mainly by making art.